This is a great idea. Trent over at The Simple Dollar (another great site) helps with some really simple how-to’s. It’s a good read. He tries to make the concept more than just a fantasy by giving us some concrete ways to make it happen. Everyone should have one, I agree.

Most men, though, like to fantasize about things they will never have. Some things are physically impossible and others are out of the reach of us mere mortals. Others are simply fantasies, which even if presented the opportunity; we would never act because of our lifestyle choices.

Some righteous guys would say “No way. Not me. I would never want that.” But if they were to man up and tell the truth, they would kill to have it – at least once, for a little bit.

Here is the key, though. These Bucket List items would probably have to be given to us. Because they are so unattainable, the mere thought of trading money or time or whatever to get them doesn’t make sense. Nevertheless, as men, we would take em in a heartbeat.

You need to have a clear set of goals that when shown to a friend, they cough up a lung in laughter, or when shown to your wife or girlfriend, they say “grow up.”

You need to man up your Bucket List.

Six-Pack Abs

Every man alive wants these. If a guy doesn’t want a six-pack, they’re not male. Whether the guy works out or not, they want to be able to shed the shirt at the beach and have every hot chick wish they were with him. It is inherent to us. We believe this single item, completely attainable for most men but not for all, can literally change our lives. If it could, then why don’t we do whatever it takes to get them? There is a whole cost/benefit analysis thing going on here, but if it didn’t take that much, we would take them and party like rock stars.

Professional Athlete

All boys grow up believing they are going to be professional athletes. It’s what we do. There is a time, though, in every boy’s life, mine was 15, when we simply know it is an impossibility. At this point, we resign to becoming something more practical – doctors, lawyers, business guys, cable installers, construction workers, etc. But it doesn’t matter we are 37, 50 pounds overweight, and have not worked out in about a year, we still want to be pro-athletes. We still watch the jockheads on TV and say, “What a loser. I could have done that.”

A Threesome

I know, here come the PC police… There are COMPLETELY faithful guys who are fathers and husbands who will say they would never want this, but they’re lying. It’s OK. I’m one of them too. I tell my wife I would never want this and it is only a young, single man’s fantasy. Whatever… This is like the pro-athlete one. We know it will never happen, so it’s just a fantasy. For the record, many of us at a certain stage in our lives wouldn’t do it even if presented with the opportunity. I’m one of those guys.

X-Ray Vision

Why are super hero movies so freaking popular nowadays? Because special effects have gotten good enough to make these superhero strengths look real. Every guy has dreamt of using this to their own perverted advantage. There is no other reason to have to have it unless you are Superman and need to fight crime when no one else can.

Full Head Of Hair

Even the fellas who shave their heads clean and justify they like the look, all would want a full head of hair if given a choice. Yes, bald is beautiful and I keep telling myself this as it keeps coming loose. I still would want a full head of hair, though, and I am not alone. Check out the amount of Hair Club For Men and Rogaine commercials all over the place.

“F@ck You” Money

This is on every man’s Bucket List (fantasy or not). Every guy strives to be able to have the choice – to walk into our boss’s office and politely say it. Is this one a fantasy? For most, I say yes. But this is actually one that needs our full attention – realistic or not. If one day, we were able to achieve this goal, we would be giving ourselves and our families the best gift of all – financial freedom.

Leader Of A Band

Also included in this Bucket List item is to play the guitar/piano/sax; be adored by millions of fans; be John or Paul – not Ringo; crash up hotel rooms; and have plenty of groupies. Even guys who don’t like music (some may argue their manhood) would want all of the above.

Gills

Another superhero thing. Freaking gills – think about it. Breathing underwater just might be one of the coolest things you could ask for. I would want them to be unnoticeable though. Nothing more embarrassing than having them protrude through your dress shirt collar while giving a presentation on your way up the corporate ladder.

Kick A$$ Like Bruce Lee

Protect your family. Be invincible in bars. Show off your amazing flexibility. There are plenty of reasons to have this on the list. Most guys would say they already possess this Bucket List item, but it is on the Bucket List for a reason. Nevertheless, we would be money if we could take out 10 guys with our manly butt-kicking skills. Some guys actually can do this already. Case in point, the baddest man alive right now, Anderson Silva.

Did I miss any?

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Man Up Your Bucket List

Long before Chuck Norris, Jet Li and the Ultimate Fighting Championship – there was The Master. His physique and physical prowess was (and IS) what legends are made of. Just one look at his photos or movies and you know the extreme discipline it took to pull off those moves.

His physical exploits are so legendary in the world of martial arts that when it came time for him to make movies, EVERYONE wanted to make a name for themselves by taking a run at him. Imagine trying to act, produce and being “the freaking man” while every guy opposite you in a fight scene is acting only SOME of the time!

To stay at the very top of the martial arts world for over 20 years (on and off the set), Bruce Lee had masterful stretching and flexibility skills. Besides wicked physical strength, freakish cardio ability, and speed only replicated by machines – flexibility and agility were his top priorities.

Consider some of his unequaled feats:

• Lee’s striking speed from three feet with his hands down by his side reached five hundredths of a second
• Lee’s combat movements were at times too fast to be captured on film at 24fps, so many scenes were shot in 32fps to put Lee in slow motion. Normally martial arts films are sped up
• In a speed demonstration, Lee could snatch a dime off a person’s open palm before they could close it, and leave a penny behind
• Lee could perform push ups using only his thumbs
• Lee performed one-hand push-ups using only the thumb and index finger
• Lee would hold an elevated v-sit position for 30 minutes or longer
• Lee could throw grains of rice up into the air and then catch them in mid-flight using chopsticks
• From a standing position, Lee could hold a 125 lb (57 kg) barbell straight out
• Lee could break wooden boards 6 inches (15 cm) thick
• Lee performed a side kick while training with James Coburn and broke a 150-lb (68 kg) punching bag
• Lee could cause a 300-lb (136 kg) bag to fly towards and thump the ceiling with a side kick
• In a move that has been dubbed “Dragon Flag”, Lee could perform leg lifts with only his shoulder blades resting on the edge of a bench and suspend his legs and torso perfectly horizontal midair
• Lee could thrust his fingers through unopened steel cans of Coca-Cola, at a time before cans were made of the softer aluminum metal
• Lee could use one finger to leave dramatic indentations on pine wood

Each and every one of these demonstrations of his ability involved strength, agility and, yes, flexibility. We can never hope to reach his level of success in these, nor do I think anyone really wants to (although putting your fingers through a can of Coke would be a neat party trick).

Improving our own flexibility, though, has many benefits. For instance, a flexible body means we can defend ourselves in a bar fight; have better sex; fight obesity with more exercise; sleep better; have more fun playing with our kids; work more efficiently; constantly feel refreshed; improve posture; relieve tension; and possibly cure cancer! (not sure on the last one, but it improves everything else, so why not?)

And the key to a flexible body is proper stretching. Many of us want the basics of getting it without having to do Yoga or, much worse, Pilates – both of which are awesome if you have the time, but most of us don’t.

Tips for stretching prowess to help improve flexibility

1. Stretch when you wake up. Start the day off by loosening up all the joints and shake off the previous night’s exploits. Whatever you did yesterday put the body in a real kind of hurt and you need to do something right away. Grab your morning beverage and start a 10 minute stretching routine first thing in the morning. Your body will thank you for it all day long.
2. Warm up first. Many guys think stretching IS the warm up exercise for whatever else they plan to do. Not true. Make sure to warm up a little by jumping rope, running in place, or doing some jumping jacks to get the blood moving first. If you perform some Bruce-like stretches without getting the blood moving first, injuries will be on their way.
3. Target major muscle groups. Just like other manly workouts, don’t focus on the little muscles. Target large, major muscle groups and all the little muscles will get stretched out in the process. It’s much better use of your time going after the majors first and then focusing on the minors later if you have time.
4. Hold each stretch for at least 30 seconds. Doing this enables the muscle to continue to expand over time without injury. Even if you are barely stretching at the beginning, holding it for 30 seconds tells the muscle you mean business. Next time you will be able to take it further, longer.
5. Become a rubber band. Bouncing as you stretch only shocks the muscle and can cause serious injury. Besides, it looks stupid. Think of your muscles like rubber bands. You want to slowly stretch it out – taking it a little further each time. Only taking it as far as the muscle wants it to go – not beyond.
6. No pain, serious gain. When you bounce instead of rubber band, you often will go too far. If the muscle is not ready to go that far (due to rigamortis setting in from your seriously boring day job), then you will either here a “pop” and start crying like a little schoolgirl or just start crying. Either way, if it hurts – STOP! Learn to listen to your body and understand it takes time to get a Bruce Lee-flexible.
7. Breathe. Blood flow and oxygen are the two core ingredients to muscle flexibility and stretching. You get the blood moving by doing the stretch, but if you forget to put plenty of oxygen into your system, you will not get the full effect. Better still is to focus your mind on the muscle and at the same time focus on breathing. Together, your mind will allow you to do things you didn’t think possible with your flexibility.
8. Have fun. You will stop after a few minutes or a few days if you are not digging it. Remember it is not a chore. Remind yourself of the positive affects this will have on your life. Think of the benefits of being able to reach some other guy’s head with your foot or better yet, work and hold a position your wife or girlfriend never thought you could.
9. Be careful. Once you start seeing the amazing benefits of being as flexible as Bruce Lee, you will want more. Guys have been known to take it a little too far with addiction-like behavior. Make it a part of your life by doing a little bit everyday and you will get there before you know it. Injuries suck and they will set you back. Addictions suck too and you don’t want to get burned out – you want this flexible body for life.
10. Be consistent. The routine of stretching will lead to flexibility you have only dreamed of. Your body will start craving it and when others start seeing what you are capable of with your new found flexible prowess, you will want to ratchet it up. Remember that consistency is what made Bruce Lee so freaking good. Anyone at the top of their profession will tell you that anyone can get lucky once or twice, but the real pros are consistently in the mix.
11. Rest it up. Make sure to give the muscles a rest from time to time. Stretch different muscles on alternating days and this will give them the rest they need to go even further next time out.

The definition of flexibility is to easily bend an object or the ability to adapt to different circumstances. Isn’t this what most of us men want in our lives? The thought of being flexible (in all aspects of our lives) is at the core of manliness.

The thought of throwing a round house kick at some guy’s head or getting out of a rear naked choke are really cool, but having everyday physical flexibility is what most of us are after. Getting the perfect stretch and doing it every day is how we can achieve a Bruce Lee like flexible body.

Some links to proper stretching.
Bodybuilding.com
Men’s Health
Ask Men

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How To Stretch And Be As Flexible As Bruce Lee

Ah yes, yet another blog post on gas prices. This one is a little different though. You will not see the following:

• Top 10 ways to increase gas efficiency
• Top 10 ways to save money on gas
• Best alternatives to gas guzzlers
• How to drive efficiently with high gas prices
• Why we should start drilling in ANWR – today

These ideas and topics have all been vetted quite intensively.

In the Tough Love series, we explore ways of fixing an obvious problem in our society by suggesting “off the beaten path” alternatives. These may be politically incorrect and potentially painful, but nonetheless, alternatives. Regardless if you believe the topic needs tough love, the post is intended to start thinking about the issues slightly more radically.

The Issue

In the case of gas prices, we are talking about our national security. The dent on our pocketbooks is only the beginning of the story and the crisis is of utmost important to our country’s long term health.

Some may believe the addiction is a fallacy. Whatever you believe, some facts can not be disputed. The high price of gasoline is real and is not going away. Air quality in our cities is the worst it’s been in our history. The US Dollar is bordering on hyperinflation and many countries are threatening to walk away from using it as the world standard.

Consider this,

• 4 of every 5 Americans surveyed support the U.S. tapping into its own domestic energy reserves
• US imports 12 million barrels per day. $125/barrel x 12million = $1.5 billion/day leaving the US – more than 50% goes to OPEC
• 90% of all oil imported is used for gasoline consumption
• $500+ billion/year in US Dollars leaving the country
• Dollar is trading at all time lows against pretty much every currency
• US consumes 25% of total world oil production
• Cars average 36 mpg in Europe and 31 mpg in Japan vs. only 21 mpg in the United States.

The truth is, we are addicted to oil and it just might take some tough love break that addiction. If we were a drug addict, an intervention would be conducted. If we were an alcoholic, the experts would tell us to go cold turkey.

But we are none of those – we are JUST addicted to our cars. How bad could that be? It is an American right, not a privilege, but a right, to large cars and cheap gas. Living far away from work and having huge yards in the suburbs is the American dream and we all want it – no, demand it.

But wait a minute – gas prices are going through the roof and we want investigations. We want a windfall gas tax on the greedy companies earning huge profits on our hard earned backs. We want gouging laws put into place. We want Congress and our President to punish speculators who are driving up the price of oil.

All those could help, but will have minimal affect in comparison to allowing capitalism take hold of the situation. High gas prices are here to stay and we must adjust several aspects of our lives before the pain starts to subside. Nobody is coming to the rescue. We must do what every generation has done before us and sacrifice today for tomorrow’s security and success.

The Tough Love

Some changes that could curb our addiction to the black stuff are as follows: (they may not be pretty, but neither is going cold turkey after a weekend bender in Vegas has your wife telling you she is leaving you unless you change your ways.)

Make all cars illegal in cities. Not all cities could do this right away, but mass transportation is the backbone to crushing demand for oil. London had implemented a HUGE tax to drive an auto through the center of its city. The mayor took all kinds of heat for doing it, but it worked. People adapted and the amount of autos clogging up the city center is dropped dramatically. More people are using The Tube and air quality has improved significantly. Walking, biking, and scooters would come mainstream in this scenario.

People could drive their cars and leave them at train and bus stations on the outskirts of the city. They would then take the mass transit into the city. This happens in many places in the world already and is a result of regulation combined with the free markets dictating the effect.

Ration gasoline purchases. Maybe through insurance companies or the DMV, everyone would be forced into consumption rationing through constant monitoring. Also, gas stations would allow only certain purchases on certain days for certain vehicles. This was an UGLY thing back in the gas shock of the 70′s, but that really made people think about their gasoline consumption habits.  Rations are never nice, especially in the land of plenty, but things are changing very rapidly.  Until there is a solution, we need to step on the brakes and cause a shift in demand quickly.

Increase HOV lanes on expressways to 3 of the 4 total lanes. Imagine the gridlock until people adapted! No longer would people be willing to drive one person per Explorer, Suburban or Expedition. The amount of space in these vehicles for simple transportation to and from work is ridiculous. It is not sustainable long term for our air quality and our consumption of a limited resource to drive alone, 45 miles one way with a vehicle that can hold 7 people.

The other obvious benefit to this would be you would get to know people better. Car pooling is a great way to make friends. Many of us in our society drive alone, don’t mingle with others, and have lost the fine art of personal communication. We have become very impersonal and hence, it makes it easy for all of us to not care about each other. Think of the impact this one solution could have on our society at large!

Divert every penny slated for new roads to mass transportation projects. This one will make some waves. Maintain major existing roads, but make all new road projects and maintenance of less traveled roads illegal. What would happen? More gridlock with autos! The idea is to continue the theme of making auto travel less appealing.

If we want to kick the habit, one way is to stop enabling the behavior through public spending projects. Most of us will agree the government is there to protect us and to provide needed public services. Not all roads are needed and many could be gotten rid of. This would eliminate much of the available space to put cars on the road and make people consider the alternatives or face massive gridlock.

Make a bold statement. JFK did it in the 60′s with the promise of going to the moon with the next decade. Al Gore recently said we must be energy independent within 10 years. What can make this so effective is the implementation.

We have all heard the saying, cross the bridge and then burn it behind you. This means make the decision and don’t look back. There is no going back if you have taken away all other possibilities but moving forward. How does this fit with energy independence? Our leaders could set a date (maybe 8 years out) outlawing the internal combustion engine.  Radical? Yes, but think about it.

A few years back the FCC decided all broadcasts would become digital by 2009 – as a law. At the time, about 3% of all broadcasts were digital. How could they do this? They burned the bridge and told EVERYONE (consumers and providers) this new law is not optional – it is mandatory. Industry adapted, consumers were given plenty of time to change and now the date is upon us with not much fanfare. It worked and it could work with our addiction to oil – we just need the leadership and the strength to follow the path.

The Argument

The US oil addiction is a controversial topic these days. There are people on both sides of the argument. Some believe there is no addiction and gasoline prices are the cause of speculators. Gas prices will plummet with the same type of severity as the US Housing market due to irrational speculation. Possible…

The other side believes this is the beginning of the end of US economic dominance. We got caught with our pants down by building our entire society around automobile transportation and changes are happening too fast for us to adapt our ways. They believe the US Dollar will be worthless in a few short years and miles and miles of houses built far away from urban centers will sit vacant for decades until an alternative fuel comes mainstream to replace the high cost of personal transport.

Both sides have great points, but the one thing for certain is the fact we love our cars – today. Giving them up or changing our habits means changing what we have been used to for decades. With the amount of backlash in this current environment when it comes to gas prices, there seems to be very few quick solutions – maybe with the exception of implementing some tough love.

Think I’m crazy? Think I’m right?  I would like to know your opinions.

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Tough Love Monday: Break The US Addiction To Oil

This will be the first of many posts, I am sure, concerning the epidemic of male obesity in our society. This issue is so far reaching, you could have entire posts (heck, entire sites) committed to only a sliver of the main topic.

I call this an epidemic and use words like “modern day black plague” for emphasis of the severity of the issue. There are countless articles and research that show how big of an issue this has become. Those same articles give quality reasoning behind the epidemic: sedentary lifestyle; introduction of corn into everything we eat; trans fats in the processed foods we eat; etc.

There are the same amount of articles and research that tell us what we can do to get to the ideal weight for men. We all have learned how to fight male obesity – exercise regularly; eat less fat; eat more fruits and vegetables; drink more water; everything in moderation, etc.

But why are things getting worse and not better? We know it is bad for us, so why do we keep making the wrong choices (on diet and lifestyle)?

Lie to others, but NEVER lie to yourself

My opinion as to why the continuing epidemic continues is not media coverage or knowledge – we have plenty of both of those. It is the fact there are no real, immediate consequences to our every day decisions we make in our dietary and sedentary lifestyle choices.

One of the core manliness traits, NEVER lie to yourself, helps us understand this in more depth. Since there are no immediate consequences to our immediate choices, we lie to ourselves and say “I’ll do better tomorrow.” Or, “this is the last time I am going to McDonald’s for lunch.” Or, one of my own favorites, “I’ll work out tomorrow, I’m too busy (or tired) today.”

This is behavior not consistent with our vision of classic manliness. Some call this procrastination, but in the end it is simply lying to yourself. The ramifications for this act are far reaching for us personally (and for society in general.)

Denial among our leaders

In our society, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on the act of lying. We don’t approve of it and even in some cases with throw you in jail for it (see perjury). But we don’t seem to have any issues in allowing folks to lie to themselves.

I think we tend to justify it by saying “they are only hurting themselves”. We also like the idea of personal choice and personal freedom – so long as it does not infringe on others freedoms. And there’s the rub, isn’t it?

At some point, if enough men follow the same path of personal destruction, it becomes a societal epidemic. Maybe even a national security issue. It is not a huge leap to believe our health care system, our armed forces, our energy consumption, and many more are all in danger of being broken by the epidemic of obesity, in particular male obesity.

Possible Tough Love Solutions

Since common methods of education, research, positive reinforcement and support, and even fear peddling of the impending doom that comes along with male obesity have not worked, maybe it is time for some tough love. Maybe it is time for some new ideas to shake men into making the right immediate decisions with much more immediate consequences.

Here are some of my radical ideas; some of which have already been discussed in our society.

• Pocketbook warfare – this is the term I use for handling the entire epidemic. Traditional methods of solving this obesity issue have not worked and things keep getting worse. Make our actions, as they occur, cost us in the wallet. This is something every red-blooded American appreciates – just look at what is happening with gas prices and the outrage that ensues.  Prices go way up and all of the sudden, our behavior changes.  Go figure…

• Airline tickets by weight – Traveling on an airplane, for the most part, is a privilege – not a right. If you make travelers pay for their flights based on an index that measures ideal weight for men and women, it all of the sudden matters if you go for that extra piece of cheesecake at dinner.

• Fat tax – This one can be implemented with relative ease. Just like a sin tax or luxury tax on items we can easily identify as such, a fat tax could be used to burden high fat content items that we know lead to male obesity. For instance, slap a 25% fat tax on anything cooked in trans fat and see what happens to the sales of that product. Many states are even going a step further and banning the stuff altogether.

• Health insurance sliding scale premiums – When you sign up for health insurance, the physical could determine what you pay. We do it with smokers as they have different rates – why not with overweight or obese folks?  This falls in line with our overall fix of “pocketbook warfare”.

• Pay people to lose weight – They do this in other countries for smoking. Doctors and medical professionals are paid bonuses for getting patients to stop smoking. Why not incentivize our doctors here as well for stopping male obesity and getting men to lose weight? There could also be tax incentives to do such things for the individual.

• Trans fat throw up pill – Just like the alcohol pill causes you deathly ills when you drink alcohol, why not one for trans fat or other foods that we know are bad for us? Maybe the technology doesn’t exist yet, but it should.

• Curtail welfare and social security payments – If you are not of sound body and sound mind, then you should lose your government subsidies. Again, how quickly would people change their perspective on what they ate and how they lived their lives?

• Take away privileges we incorrectly believe as rights – So many of us get confused to this notion of rights vs. privileges. Driving a car is not a right – it is an earned privilege. You can lose that privilege if you screw up and it causes MAJOR problems in our automobile centric society. Flying on an airplane is another one we already discussed, but if you can’t get the weight under control, then you can’t fly.

• Having and keeping children – I can already feel the hatemail coming on this one, but procreation is a privilege, not a right. What if you were threatened with the ability not to have children until you get your weight under control? What if you had to pass a physical (like I did for my adoption) before you were allowed to have children? My wife and I are adopting from China and they have strict rules on who can adopt a child from their country, based on weight profile and general health conditions. Obviously, this is a Communist country, but when does our male obesity epidemic become too important for our society to look the other way?

I know I will get plenty of comments and hatemail from folks explaining that for some they have no choice. I will also hear from people who say experts can’t agree on what really causes obesity.

Both of these may be true and maybe there isn’t a one size fits all approach. Maybe there will have to be exceptions made on a case by case basis. But the vast majority of us who are overweight and exhibit some form of male obesity, are not this way because we have no choice. We are this way because of the choices we make on daily basis that don’t have immediate consequences.

Eventually though, these consistently wrong choices catch up to us. I was recently encouraged by what many experts were calling, the Russert effect. After the shocking death of Tim Russert, due to his carrying entirely too much belly fat for entirely too long, there was surge in the number of men going to see their doctors for physical checkups. It is a shame, but in his death, it brought to light that there were actually immediate consequences to our immediate choices.

What do you think? How is tough love in this situation not the right answer? Or do you agree with some of the thoughts and others not so much?

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Tough Love Monday: Male Obesity Epidemic Is A Modern Day Black Plague

Not that it matters, but I have an impeccable driving record and this was a minor incident that caused minor payments to the other guy.  I’ve made no claims to them for over 10 years, and they decide to whack me for something that arguably wasn’t even my fault?

I’ll get this sorted out, but it did get me thinking about how they decided to tell me, a solid customer, of their decision to lose my number. The form letter came from some unknown fella in Kansas City, MO.  I live in Las Vegas and my agent does too.

I say, exhibit the right manliness by delivering bad news like a man should.  My agent, if he knows he is about to lose a customer, should have controlled this message and fessed up that he works for a company that is insane. He should have shown some clock weights and called me personally to handle this situation.  Here is what he should have done…

Guidelines to delivering bad news in a manly way

Give it in person.  If you must use the phone, you better have a damn good reason.  If the information is time sensitive, and you can’t get to them fast enough, that is a good reason.  If you are too chicken to do it face to face, you are wussing out.

Never use email.  I can’t think of a situation where this is acceptable.  My wife and I received bad news about a failed adoption once through an email.  Are you kidding me?  You do this in person or over the phone.  My wife cried for nearly the entire day and I was looking for blood.  Adoptions fail, but have the decency when it comes to things of this magnitude.

Put it in writing.  Not everything has to go in writing, but if you are looking to sever a relationship and want it to be abundantly clear, you need to have it writing.  The crazy insurance company needed to send me a letter for sure, but it needed to come from my agent first.

Be considerate of their feelings.  The person is going to have some mixed feelings about the news.  This is why they call it “bad” news.  Remember, they have aspirations, dreams, goals, families to take care, etc.  They don’t need arrogance on your part.  Be a gentleman and be considerate.  That is manliness.

Be firm and unwavering.  Don’t mince words, though.  Be firm, direct and don’t change your mind.  Delivering bad news is never fun, but being a man about things is not always easy.  If a decision has been made, then stick with it.  Wrap you arms around the person, give them a big hug, but tell them this is way it has to be.

Don’t send mixed messages.  Some call this “sandwiching.”  This is the concept of crouching the bad news in the middle of that silver lining we always like to come back to.  Yes, there is always a good way of looking at things, but don’t hide behind this.  Tell them like it is and they will respect you for it in the long run.

Keep it private.  If you share with others the bad news (even with the person’s permission), you are doing the wrong thing.  It is not your information to share.  If you have to tell other people a change needed to made, tell them.  Leave out the gory details and remind everybody of the sensitive manner it is when it comes to delivering bad news.  Tell them to put themselves in the position of the person getting the bad news.

Separate the person from the problem.  Try to never make it personal.  Even if the bad news is because of a personal action, deliver the news in a way that is not an indictment on them.  For instance, if a person had to be fired because of a racial slur, tell that person they screwed up.  Tell them the racial slur doesn’t make them a racist (that would personal), but their actions in that incident could not be tolerated and a change had to be made.  Leave your own personal beliefs about the other person COMPLETELY out of it.

Tell the freaking truth.  Unless the truth is so unbearably wrong to share, it is always advisable to be honest and have integrity.  The truth hurts at times, but it will also set us free.   Once the truth is out there, the healing and fixing can begin.

Allow feedback.  Give the opportunity to the other person to sound off – in private!  If they want to take their feedback public, remind them of the professionalism and courtesy you are showing.  If they have a chance to give their feedback, immediately or after some reflection, it always helps that person move on from the bad news.

Delivering bad news to somebody in a form letter with filled in blanks is NEVER cool.  Where is the manliness in that?  I fault their system, but my agent has to wear some of the egg as well.  If my agent were to have called me and talked to me about the issue (or at least have warned me this could happen), I would have been grateful and understanding.  Now, I just feel like they were like everyone else in our society – skirting the issue and not taking responsibility.  They wanted an easy way out.

Want more information on how to deliver bad news, Ros Jay wrote this fantastic book on how to deliver bad news and managing tough situations.

Let me know your thoughts.  Manly or not?

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Man Up Your Delivering Of Bad News

Vincent Vega says”I have given a million different women foot massages and they all meant something.  We act like it doesn’t mean anything but it does.  That is what is so cool about it.”  Or something to that affect.  The point is that if you don’t think it is important, think again.

Look, it matters.  For a man, the art of giving a good foot massage is the same as being able to hook up stereo speakers, work a barbecue, or shotgun a beer.  All are traits that are inate to being a man.  Even if we don’t know exactly how to do all those, we damn well better be able to fake our way through em.

Over at The Seduction Bible site, they posted a terrific video on tips and tricks to performing a memorable foot massage.  They do a fine job explaining the erotic side of the act and give wonderful advice for the beginner.  There isn’t in depth training going on here, just the basics and that is really all you need to get started. You can learn more advanced techniques at

Some broad based pointers found in that video and others they may have missed:

Set the mood. This is not necessary, but it can be very effective if you are looking for this foot massage to lead to something else.  Use a pillow to support her legs and a towel underneath to catch any excess lotion or oils (and you better be using lotion or oil).   Play some soft music in the background to help take her mind off of everything else.  Candles are always a good idea an if you want to get nuts, you can even add some scented candles.

Use lotion or oil. As I mentioned, all good foot massages use lotion or oil.  You can try it without them for an impromptu massage, but if even if you have just a few minutes to spare, grab something that will make your hands glide over the skin with the greatest of ease.  Remember, that lotion or oil better be warmed in your hands first or you will lose some of your desired affect of the massage.

Apply deep, hard pressure. No one has ever gotten injured giving a foot massage and if they had, they were doing something wrong and deserved it.  People are ticklish on their feet.  The harder you press, the more you will avoid the awkward tickling.  Deep hard pressure is more sensual as well.  This will merely intensify the reaction you get from her by working out all those pesky knots from standing all day.

Listen to her reactions. This is very important.  She will give you clues as to when something hurts or when to move on to another part of the massage.  Remember, I know this one is difficult for you guys, but the massage is about her needs and desires.  She has to be satisfied and if she needs a little more attention in a few areas, give it.

Work through the leg and ankle. This is part of the entire package.  Work the ankles and the lower legs.  Remember to make sure to be careful around the Achilles tendon.  This is a very sensitive area and should be treated with great care.  Rotate the ankles in a circular motion like a stretch.  Once you have applied some oil and let it work into her skin a little, you will hear all kinds of cracks and crinkles…followed by a very familiar moan of pleasure that comes with relieving all kinds of stress.

Work the toes. Use finesse when working the finer points of the massage.  Do not over apply pressure in this area as you could do some damage.  Rub your fingers through all the crevasses and nooks to make sure all parts of the foot get touched.

Support the weight of their foot. You will lose ALL kinds of points for letting her lift her own weight when you are giving her this greatest gift.  Use a pillow over your lap if you get tired, but never lose track that you have to be an active participant in making her feel good with this.  You carry all the weight of her foot.

Standing on our feet all day long will add all kinds of stress in our lives, let alone the physical toll it takes on our bodies.  Wanna give your special lady a gift that costs nothing, but means just about everything, give her a foot massage she will request again and again.

Next time you are sitting in front the television hanging out, ask her if she wants a foot massage.  Play close attention to her face lighting up and her intense arousal at the thought of what will come next.

Finally, skip the flowers and chocolates.  The good writers over at The Simple Dollar, Frugal Dad and Being Frugal.net should all love this idea as one of the best FREE gifts you could ever give your partner.  There is nothing that you get so much from for so little effort.

If you liked this article, please support me with a Digg or a Stumble.  Thanks for reading!

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How To Give An Erotic And Intense Foot Massage

When you’re in a bar, pub or nightclub, the fist fight morphs into a bar fight – they’re not the same.  Fist fights outside or in an open area are quite different than bar fights found in very close quarters.  There are all kinds of variables in a bar fight that you simply don’t find in a fist fight.

When all diplomacy fails, or even worse, the fight has nothing to do with you but you’re in the blast range, follow these guidelines and you will have a chance to get out of there without too much damage or ending up in the back of a police car on the TV show Cops.

• Take a few steps back.  Create some space so you have time to look for advantages.  There are all kinds of advantages you can choose from if you have the time.  This gives you a second to find a potential weakness or a way out.
• Back to the wall.  Contrary to popular belief, your back to the wall can actually help.  No one will sneak up behind and bust a chair over your head.  But if you put your back to the wall, you better know your next move.
• Make yourself small.  Small targets are harder to hit.  Crouch down a little and turn to the side narrowing your body.  Also, you want to ensure you don’t leave your groin exposed, so bend the legs and turn to the side.
• Kick to the groin.  Give a short, quick kick or knee the guy about to swing.  If he’s left his stance wide open, which most beer guzzling novices will do, they will go down VERY quick.
• Take off your glasses.  Easy one if you have the time – often you don’t.  Take these off if you can’t afford the cost to replace, but also, if broken on your face, will leave HUGE cuts.
• Use gravity.  If you are bigger guy like me, you can use your body weight to bring a guy down to the floor.  One more thing, you might want to make sure you are on top.
• Elbow to the head.  Elbows are terribly effective for close quarter encounters.  Many times, you simply don’t have room for a punch.  The elbow can be thrown from just about any position and if done correctly, can be way worse than a punch.
• Throw short fast punches.  You don’t have a bunch of room while inside a bar to throw the haymaker.  Use fast, short bursts and once you throw a few, take a step back to ensure counters don’t catch you.
• Uppercuts. Uppercuts.  Uppercuts.  These are very effective if the other guy wants to start grabbing at you.  He is trying to pull you in close and in doing so has his hands up high and stretched out.  Uppercuts can pack a huge wallop if done with conviction.
• Head butt.  Don’t do this if you think you don’t have a hard head.  I do, and am usually too stupid to feel the pain anyhow.  Beware of the other guy throwing one as well.  If you get eye to eye, this is what a lot of drunk guys like to do since it is glorified on TV.
• Grab a chair.  This puts distance between you and the other guy.  You are also sending a clear message you will take this thing to a whole other level if you have too.  Hopefully the other guy will simply back down and cooler heads can prevail.
• Everything is a weapon.  Glasses, cans, ashtrays, jackets, mugs, shoes, whatever you can get your hands on can help you in a bar fight.  Everything can be used to your advantage.
• Everything is a weapon.  Glasses, cans, ashtrays, jackets, mugs, shoes, whatever you can get your hands on can help you in a bar fight.  Everything can be used to the other guy’s advantage – so beware!!!
• Be careful with the head.  You don’t want to end up in prison for killing someone, so don’t go for the kill to the head.  Try to disable ONLY, long enough to get out of there.  Only go after the head as the last resort.
• Never break a bottle.  Using something to cut is the same as going after the head.  It always ends badly and usually never deters Mr. White Trash Alcoholic who wants to fight no matter what.  Again, just disable, disarm and get out.
• Don’t escalate.  You want to bring the situation to a head as quickly as you can and bring it back down right away.  End it quickly and leave.  Escalation leads to really bad things.
• Beware of others.  I know your budds have your back but try to leave them out of it.  Handle your own thing and hopefully the other guy’s fellas get the same memo.
• Beware of the bouncers.  If security comes to break it up, don’t fight them too.  Tell them you want to leave and you want no trouble.  There are usually way too many muscle heads just waiting for something like this to happen.  You could probably hold your own, but that is a losing proposition.  Remember Daltun in Road House?  Guys like this really exist and love their jobs.
• Do whatever the boys in blue tell you to do.  Once the police come, you do whatever they say.  You can NEVER fight with the cops.  They always have more friends than you do and you will lose!

I hope these were helpful.  I can’t remember the last time I found myself in this situation, but I am in enough bars and pubs to know it will happen again at some point.

Any good stories?  I would love to hear them in the Comments.

Don’t forget to sign up for the RSS Feed and get Teddy’s Autobiography that he wrote in 1913.  It is truly an amazing read.

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How To Protect Yourself In A Bar Fight

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(The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco, and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said “give me a call.” The above are the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better.)

Without saying too much about this D-bag who left these messages, it is clear the very biggest rule to follow is think through what you are going to say BEFORE you place the call. Oftentimes, you don’t know if you are going to get a hold of the person or have to leave a voicemail – be ready for both.

Now this jackhole didn’t have a problem with what he was going to say, but men often freeze and instantly become incapable to formulate their thoughts in a coherent manner. Filling the message with “uhhhhs” and “ummmms” is not very manly. It looks as if you are not confident or have conviction in you what you have to say. Even worse, it might appear that you don’t respect the other person’s time when you ramble on with out a purpose.

A little obsessive, but if the call is important enough, consider outlining what you want to say before you even place the call. If the person picks up, you now have the cliff notes.

Guidelines when leaving a voicemail.

State your name. Do this emphatically. Don’t forget your last name as well unless you are absolutely certain it is not needed, never leave doubt. Then, never forget to repeat your entire full name at the end of the message as well. Nothing more annoying than to have to listen to entire message again just to find out the person’s name.

State your phone number and then state it again. Do not wait until the very end to leave your number for the first time. Tell them your phone number at the beginning, repeat it once there and then at the end of the message, state both your name again and number AGAIN. Make sure they don’t have to listen to the entire message twice to get the vitals. Also, make certain you pronunciate the numbers so there is no confusion. You do this for obvious reasons, but what if you hit a dead spot in cell coverage on your end and the message skips in and out on their end? You’re toast….

Tell them the purpose. Manliness trait: Never use 8 words, when 4 will do is extremely important in a voicemail message. People don’t have time. You are most likely going to tell them again when you speak to them for real.

Point out common ground. Regardless if it is a cold call or someone you already know, remind them of the mutual interest, acquaintance, affiliation or thinking you have in common. This generates interest and makes it very difficult for that person to not call you back. They will do it enthusiastically and want to help you when there is relation.

30 seconds, 60 seconds at the MOST. If you leave a 5 minute dissertation, you are rambling and that is weak. If what you have to say is technical or important, give them the hook and then leave the rest for a real chat. They will respect you for not wasting their precious time. If that important, they will want to talk to you and not listen to a message anyhow.

Why you calling me??? This is always what I ask myself when I get a message. Do yourself a favor and tell them exactly what you want them to do. Calling back is a given. What else is there that you want them to do? If you don’t want ask it in the voicemail, that is fine. Tell them you don’t want to ask them or tell them something and giving you a call back is important to discuss it. Be blunt and to the the point. This is manly and will be respected.

One message per day. NEVER leave more than one message per day. Look, people are busy and unless you have requested a phone call back at a certain time because of the sensitivity of the matter, then don’t pester the other person with multiple phone calls in one day. This will only leave the impression you are not in control and something else is controlling you. This does not support your manliness.

Never leave the same message twice. If you are going to leave as second message (on a different day of course) make sure to change your message. You are looking for action from another person and doing something that didn’t get them to call you back is not smart to do it again. Change it up a bit and keep your message fresh from different angles.

Finally, Elliot Spitzer, prior to completely losing his mind, once said, “Never, ever leave anything of substance in a voicemail.” Regardless of what happened to the Spitz, this advice is important. Once you leave the message it can be recorded forever. So always remember, be brief, be clear, don’t ramble, request a call back and never say anything that could cause you heartache in the future.

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Make The Right Impression When Leaving A Voicemail

At first, it was only a stinging sensation and I really didn’t know what happened. The wife jumps up, turns on the light and says “something just bit me.” I jump up and say, “I just got bit as well.” At this point, a sinking feeling comes over me and I know what it was. We live in Las Vegas and we see scorpions this time of year A LOT. We have killed plenty but never have gotten stung. We had no idea what it meant.

I pull back the covers and there he is. He begins squirming around (they look really weird as they move) and the wife begins screaming bloody murder. She is completely freaking out. I start freaking out. I let out a string of expletives I am VERY ashamed of at the moment. I don’t mind swearing, but only for emphasis and usually never just because. I called this scorpion every name under the sun and was doing it at the top of my lungs. My new baby boy starts screaming, the wife is going crazy, and at this point I am looking to waste somebody or something. Manliness Trait: Protect Your Family At All Costs. Right?

Not at that very moment, but much later, I thought what a great topic for a post. I spent the rest of the day figuring out what this means. Are we now poisoned? Are either one of us allergic? Could we die? All of this was going through my mind the rest of the night and into today. Following is what I discovered:

Different Types of Scorpions

Yup, there are different types – lots of them. We had to see if the one that violated my home and loved ones could kill us or just mame us. Without going into all the different species, here is what we found out about Las Vegas type scorpions:

Scorpions sting; they do not bite, although they can pinch. All scorpions are venomous, but most are harmless to humans. In general, the smaller the species, the more dangerous it is for humans (of course, it is hard to tell juveniles of a large species from adults of a small species). Bark Scorpions are the main problem around Las Vegas because their stings can be deadly. However, the stings of other species are not serious and usually result in localized pain with some swelling and tenderness. Some people are allergic to scorpion venom, and if a sting seems serious, call the National Poison Control Center toll-free at (800) 222-1222.

If you are stung by a scorpion, immediately find out what type of scorpion it is. This will answer many of your questions about what to do next. If you live out here in the Southwest USA, check this site out to find out more.

What To Do After You Are Stung

First of all, the sting of a scorpion is HORRIBLE. The venom paralyzes the scorpions prey (my wife and I). It can cause severe allergic reaction in some and you have to be wary of any neurological damage it could cause.

Bill, our diligent exterminator who we called at 6:00 AM told us to put alcohol on the sting immediately. This helps neutralize any venom around the surface. Also, because the sting can cause swelling around the actual puncture, you ice the area in intervals of 10-15 minutes. The time frame obviously is to ensure you don’t overdue the icing and actually cause more damage through frost bite.

When I spoke with the on-call nurse at the hospital, she told me the symptoms that require more attention by a doctor are dizziness, blurred vision, muscle spasms, rash, and other general allergic reaction conditions. If you don’t have these and it is only the pain of the venom that you are experiencing, then the doctors will do nothing for you. They will give you some painkillers and maybe some extra strength Benydrol in case of the allergic reaction might take time to take root.

The wife and I were not experiencing any of the allergic reaction symptoms well into the day, but we both were in plenty of pain. We stayed home from work and tried to deal with the thought of this scorpion in our bed. Not a pleasant thought.

How To Get Rid Of Scorpions

The experts vary on this, but below are some good tips I pulled from another website:

Scorpions are difficult to control with insecticides alone. Therefore, the first control strategy is to modify the area surrounding a house.

• Remove all trash, logs, boards, stones, bricks and other objects from around the home.
• Keep grass closely mowed near the home. Prune bushes and overhanging tree branches away from the house. Tree branches can provide a path to the roof for scorpions.
• Store garbage containers in a frame that allows them to rest above ground level.
• Never bring firewood inside the house unless it is placed directly on the fire.
• Install weather-stripping around loose fitting doors and windows.
• Plug weep holes in brick veneer homes with steel wool, pieces of nylon scouring pad or small squares of screen wire.
• Caulk around roof eaves, pipes and any other cracks into the home.
• Keep window screens in good repair. Make sure they fit tightly in the window frame.

In conclusion, the wife and I are doing just fine, but we experienced a horrible last 24 hours or so. Scorpions are nothing to mess around with. The one that got us was just about 2 inches in size and stung us with venom that literally paralyzed my left arm for the better part of the morning. My wife got it in her kneecap (that’s right, she got knee-capped by a freaking scorpion). She is just fine as well. The scorpion’s fate was a little different though. He was surely going to die, but in the words of Marcellus Wallace of Pulp Fiction fame, I told that scorpion “I ain’t done wit you by a damn site.” The scorpion didn’t make it.

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How To Deal With A (Freaking) Scorpion Sting

There was a recent article in the NYT’s that discussed the perils of email and what happens when a good thing goes terribly wrong. Companies of all sizes are taking these matters into their own hands by implementing drastic, but oftentimes, necessary measures to help curb the insanity that has become email. Over at 43Folders, Merlin Mann writes and speaks of his Inbox Zero project. I highly suggest you check it out and also listen to his very inspiring presentation at Google.

I thought about this the other day and said to myself, “What would Sinatra or DiMaggio say about all this new technology and how they use it?” I think they would look at email and simply say this is another form of communication. The rules still apply. Treat the other person as if they were standing right in front of you, face to face. Here are some methods to the proper communication email:

1. Learn to speak well. You should always be thinking about how other people view you. No, not to worry about whether they will like you or not, but that still is important. Your reputation is all you have and people want to respect you and like you. You need to make certain your spelling and grammar are correct and succinct. Use the spell checker at all times to give the impression you give a damn.
2. Never use 8 words when 4 will do. This line was used by a true man in today’s society, Brad Pitt, in the modern classic Ocean’s Eleven. Be concise and to the point. Be direct and never assume your hints are getting across. Merlin Mann says to say all you have to say in 4 sentences or less. Any more is just wasting people’s time.
3. Be prompt. A true man always is aware of his time. He is not slave to it, but is always aware and courteous to not abuse other’s time. If someone is sends an email, respond quickly – within a day if you can. If the email is meaningless, then follow Merlin’s advice and use the trash bin fast and furious.
4. Learn proper etiquette. Don’t use all CAPS in an email. Don’t abbreviate the silly little schoolgirl-like text messaging acronyms. Use complete sentences and never assume the other party is keeping up with your humor, slyness, or email “savvy” – whatever that is. Keep it simple and to the point. If you don’t know all the rules of good email etiquette, then follow good communication etiquette.
5. Personalize. True manly behavior is not to become a softy, but to make things personal is not that. It is simply taking the time to make sure the other side knows you want to relate to their issues. This gets the sharp guy the next promotion, next raise, next personal encounter that will help move their own agenda along.
6. Never forward jokes or chain-mail. If you do this, you are not expressing manly behavior. For crying out loud, if you are doing this, stop right now. Stop and think about what your grandfather and his father would say about you. Keep the jokes offline and the chain letters simply need to be moved immediately to the trash bin.
7. Discretion is always a part of valor. Men tend to hold their feelings in and not wear them on their sleeves. This is good with email as well. When in doubt, leave it out. Always, and I mean always, error on the side of putting far less into an email than too much. If you are not sure, call or say what you have to say in person.

I am sure there are many more, but these manly traits can help guide you though the forest of emails you recieve and send on a daily basis. Keep in mind that you are a man and if you want to be viewed as a man that commands presence, you need to act like one at all times – even in cyberspace.

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Man Up Your Email Communication