A Manly American Pastime: Cheap Yard Beer
Growing up in suburbia, my Dad would spend his summer weekends cutting grass, trimming hedges, and just plain hanging out. Of course, hanging out was codeword for drinking beer.
And not just any beer – yard beer. Yard beer is essentially the cheapest, nastiest, most delightful, refreshing drink a man could have in the middle of 80 degrees and 80% humidity. Leave the water and lemonade to the boys. Let the pansy men drink the micro-brews and top shelf stuff. Yard beer is for men.
The criteria for the best yard beer are complex and oftentimes fall into the wrong hands. Yard beer needs to be sustainable for the long term. Why? Because you will go through case after case after case of the stuff.
Be sure to get the most comprehensive yard beer available by always following the essential yard beer purchasing criteria:
- Cheap
- Cheap
- Must be on sale
- Nearly looks like water when poured in a glass (of course, it’s never served in a glass so no one knows for sure)
- Can drink several (no less than 20) without filling up
- Cans only, you pansies…
- Cheap
Now, my Dad was extremely loyal to his yard beer. He had a few favorites that he would rotate through, depending on which ones were on sale that week. But suffice to say that every yard beer mentioned in this article has been in my Dad’s beer fridge at one time or another.
I know times have changed and some of these classics are hard to find. I suggest trying as many of these out as you can, as they come on sale of course. But always remember, yard beer is designed to bring great happiness to your life as you perform the manly outside chores associated with whatever you are doing on the weekends.
(Dig it? Then why not Digg it?)
The Classic
PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon) is arguably the most respected of yard beers for its accessibility and purely cheap connotation. When a fella hands you a Pabst over the backyard fence; smile, thank him, and remind him to keep his friggin dog off your lawn. All kidding aside, it actually is pretty good.
Honorable mention is one of the all time classics, Busch. Guys who drink Busch are doing so to make a point.
The History Lesson
Schaefer beer claims to be the oldest lager in America. Since it is written on their cans, and is a good, solid yard beer, there is no reason doubt their claim. Oftentimes when drinking a Schaefer, you will wonder whether you actually have “the oldest lager in America” right in your hands, but that is simply another exquisite quality found in the typical yard beer.
The Most Expensive (crazy-talk)
Budweiser is not called the King of Beers just because. This classic has always been known as a cheap American beer, but dropping a bunch of these on the weekend in the yard could get costly. For some reason, Bud has started to believe their own hype and they are pricing for premium. Someone forgot to read the memo from my Dad.
The Sissy
Keystone is the beer “that’s served in a can but tastes like it came from a bottle.” They just didn’t tell you from what kind of bottle. This beer works fine on many of the criteria, but with so many other manly choices to choose from, why would you resort to acting like a woman? Drink yard beer because it tastes like yard beer (out of a can). And if you wanted to take the whole sissy thing to a whole other level, grab yourself a case of the Keystone Light.
The College Guy
Milwaukee’s Best (AKA “The Beast”) brings back so many fine memories. It was cheap, accessible, and pretty much every store that carried milk or bubble gum, also carried The Beast. Heck, college kids pretty much invented the concept of yard beer. It needs to be cheap, accessible, and be able to drink dozens of them without thought.
(If you really want to knock off all the weak brain cells, switch over to Milwaukee’s Best Ice. Tons more alcohol content, but you still should be able to drink plenty of them.)
The Hard To Find
Stroh’s beer was a default beer for us in Michigan. Stroh’s is from Michigan and was a classic for us growing up. Similar to other regional beers like Genessee in NY, this beer was hard to find outside of the Midwest. But if you really wanted to impress the neighbor, offer him up something he’s never had (nor will ever want to again).
The Standby
Miller Lite is a just a plain classic yard beer that can never go wrong. This one actually makes you look sophisticated in your selection. It hints at the idea that you have at least some dignity left and you are frugal – all in the same breath. If you are staring down 10 different yard beers in the grocery aisle and you are not sure if you might have an unexpected guest stop by while slurping down the yard stuff, then go for this one. You never have to explain yourself with Miller Lite.
The Cleaner
Schlitz and Schlitz Ice got this lovable little name through its many trials of working it into the rotation. I was buying this in college for 8 cents/can (on sale with a coupon). I kid you not – a freaking coupon! “Shitz Ice” as we liked to call it would taste fantastic, but would pay for it DEARLY the next day. No idea what they use in this stuff, but I suggest everyone go out and have one today!
The “I Don’t Give A Crap Anymore”
Hands down winner, Natural Lite. There is no other beer in the world that tells anyone who sees you drinking one of these, that you simply don’t give crap anymore what they think. It’s cheap, always on sale, looks more like water than water does, and has just the right amount of alcohol to keep you going. Bring a case of this to the next party you’re invited to show your friends how much you care about them as well.
Red, White and Blue used to own this title – COMPLETELY – but I haven’t seen this beer for years. This was PBR’s “low-end product”. That is like saying you are interested in the low-end version of The Yugo! My Dad would routinely have 2-3 cases of this stuff in his stash at all times. Classic…
The Most Respected and Adored and Admired and Manly
Miller High Life. There is nothing to say here other than “if you drink this, you’re a man.” Period. The Champaign of Beers motto is tongue in cheek marketing that makes this beer even manlier than it already is.
Great Manly article! My Grandfather was a Schaefer guy – always had it around and in a way still does – he was buried with some! (seriously!)
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Great article! As I was scrolling down, I was wondering where the Miller High Life was. It is my favorite cheap “every day drinking beer”, even though I do order one out occasionally. Whenever someone asks me why I am drinking it in a bar I just point to the bottle and say “It’s the champagne of beers!”
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@Scott – that is awesome. He was buried with some. Now that is a man.
@RC – I’m with you. The “champagne of beers”…now that tag line has stood the test of time. Just like the beer itself has.
“yard beer. Yard beer is essentially the cheapest, nastiest, most delightful, refreshing drink a man could have”
Wow, and I thought trying to wean my husband away from the coffee pot was an issue. Maybe I’ll let that one go.
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@Hayden – stick with the coffee pot. If my wife wanted to get me off one or the other, the choice would be easy – coffee. Yard beer is in our DNA…I read this somewhere…
Great article! I had never heard of the term “yard beer” but it’s perfect. I’m glad PBR is on the list, it is cheap and tastes great.
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My buddy came up with this term years ago and it just stuck in my mind. Not sure if anyone else uses it, but it does work perfect.
Reading this gave me college party flashbacks. Natty, The Beast, these were the beers of the unappreciative undergraduate, who did not yet know enough yet to know what good beer was. That said, you’re right that they’re totally refreshing.
I was surprised that Blatz didn’t make the list, however. Now, that’s the kind of beer you want to drink while standing on thirdbase at a company softball game. Or while bowling.
Blatz is awesome. Should have been on the list.
“Company softball game or while bowling” That’s excellent…
It’s a great sound too. Beers used to have such great names…
being from Buffalo we always drank Labatt Blue.
rumor has it that the company moved it’s US distributing to Buffalo because more then half of there customers lived with in 100 miles of the city.
I know some places this might not be considered a cheap beer, but when you can find it in every store or restaurant, it is sometimes cheaper then some of the beers you mention.
Joshua,
That is so funny…more than half its customers within 100 miles. Probably true.
I am huge fan of Blue. I wonder what Canadians would consider cheap yard beer???
Can’t help thinking of my old man and his buddies when you brought up “yard beer.” When you described the term I immediately thought of Falstaff, which seemed to be in a lot of base-housing back yards during Dad’s service days when I was just a nipper. Later he liked his Weidemann’s, and when I was in high school in Missouri he and his bud’s favored another regional brew, Stag, much to the derision of us young bucks. He was pretty much a Bud Light guy in his latter years, though.
Thanks for the memories; I may have to scrounge around the local liquor stores to see if I can still find a six-pack of one of those oldies and pop one open in his honor.
I’ve missed some biggies. Might have to amend this article or add another list. Falstaff is a CLASSIC. The other one I missed that my Dad always hit was Altas.
Years back I used to drink Carlings (Black Label). Recently I found it at my favorite drug store. Would you believe a 24 can case for $11.50? At 50 cents a can you can’t buy bottled water at that price! I fell right off my diet.
This may be the single greatest post I have ever seen. Personally, I am partial to Natty. Back in the day, we would get a whole pallet at a time. $6.49 a case. Our parties then evolved to natty on tap… im pretty sure the keg deposits were more than the beer itself. Ahh the good ol days!
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@Bob – Never had Carlings, but heard of it. $11.50 years back was a premium beer compared to some of our big hitters on this list. I used to get Schlitz (aka “The Cleaner”) for 10 cents/can. But again, it got its nickname for a reason. I am certain they used water from Mexico…
@Founding – Buying a whole pallet at a time. That is simply legendary. I love it.
Strohs was big in Detroit in the ’50’s my older brother Don was a jumper on the Stroh’s truck when he came home from college each summer. He always said the Strohs put him through college. Beware, if you drank too many Strohs, you would wake up with a “Strohs Over”. They were miseable, worse than a nagging wife.
Excellent article, Pabst is a true classic. I just wish they promote it more and get it in Wal-Mart in Texas. Distribution is spotty here.
Schaefer’s I haven’t seen in years. At my University it was the beer you’d drink at parties after you got wasted on good beer like Bud.
And as for Shrohs, I remember them making a big national push back in the late 80’s – early 90’s. But it never was able to compete with the big 3 (Bud/Coors/Miller). Then it was sold to Miller and went back to being a regional brew. Damn shame because it is an excellent beer. And Strohs used to have a very tasty budget beer called Gobels.
Here in Washington State, we have Rainier, Hamms, Lucky Lager and Oylmpia as the yard beers. All were made here in Washington, but now made in Cali.
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I heard Schlitz is coming back to Michigan. the ad said they are returning to the original receipe, before 1980, before Strohs got ahold of the brand name. I would like to see if this pre-1980 Schultz can be called a yard beer. Will it a hit or a miss? And, secondly if we deem it a yard beer, will that be considered a hit or miss? I will be double parked outside of every beer store in Detroit, searching their selves for our beloved Schlitz Beer. I only hope you don’t see me on Parking Wars, trying to get my car out of hock.
In defense of Schlitz…
Schlitz is my go-to beer.
I know you might chuckle and think about how it “cleans,” but that’s not what it’s like anymore. That was the bad, cheap late ’80s and early ’90s version. Now, PBR, owner of the Schlitz brand, has gone back to something more closely resembling the formula of yesteryear and it’s not bad. I am not an expert, but there are a number of beer experts I trust who have the same opinion. Read what the beer experts at Beer Advocate say about Schlitz:
http://beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/106/263/?ba=bros
Also, PBR itself isn’t too bad, either. Both share something in common that Miller and Bud lack. They have taste. It’s not just fizzy yellow alcohol water. There’s actual hints of hops and malts in PBR and Schlitz. Miller and Bud are so “clean” tasting, they lack almost any flavor. No, Schlitz and PBR are not going to compare in flavor or presence to a Baltic Porter — Schlitz and PBR are just cheap beer after all — but there’s more tastebud action happening with a Schlitz or PBR over a Bud.
I once went fishing with my dad, he drank a case of Keystone light tall boys in the afternnon, the drove us home that evening. Had to go home with an empty cooler or else there would have been no place for the fish. Best yard beer ever.
Noticed your blog and the comments seem to reflect some regional bias. That said, here’s some West Coast (NOT LA) brews for the yard beers collection. OLYMPIA. Oly, Oly, O! Out of Tumwater, WA, Oly was always in the fridge. HAMMS. Who can forget “the beer refreshing” mascot the Hamms Bear? Mind you, this was back in the day when Coors was THE regional premium in the West.
Excellent comments!
@E – your grandfather was a MAN!!! He could not waste any beer by letting it go warm AND he needed the space for fish. Now that is manliness.
@g – It is biased. I am a Midwest guy and am VERY glad I hear from the left coast folks. I’ve heard of Olympia, but was not familiar with it. Maybe a follow up post? Interested in writing a follow up post to this that identifies all the one’s that should have been here?
@Brian – Schlitz is a fine beer. It is still The Cleaner, though. That beer should come with a roll of TP with every case purchased.
@Dan – all great west coast beers, so I hear. Never tried any of them, but there are so many good yard beers that are just regional…
@Bob – if they bring back the old Schlitz, you may be on parking wars and you probably will see Brian on Cops after getting cranked off a few cases of the stuff…
[...] *Whatever My Dad Has in His Fridge *Generic Beer *Hamms *Stroh’s *Pretty Much Anything On This List *Half Glasses (sans cigarette butts . . . I’m not a pig) on Tables After Getting Cut Off *Old [...]
Great article!! My brothers and I call it “Lawn Beer”or “Grandpa Beer”, I think it all works. My favorite is High Life but I’m trying to go down the line a re-kindle some lost loves. I have been trying to find natural bohemian beer and I’m surprised you didn’t mention Genesee cream ale or the white boys Malt liquor “Mickey’s”. We used to pound that swill at the beach and just like them all it was great going down but the next day was hell to pay. At any rate, Thanks for the article.
High Life is, in my opinion, the manliest of beers. Particularly in the fall, when you can find it in blaze orange, yellow, and even camo cans. It can’t get much cooler than that. Even in a bottle, there’s something manly about a clear bottle that is the same shape it was 50 years ago.
Another great option, if you can find it, is Southpaw Light. It’s a light beer, it has a picture of kangaroos on it, and it tastes great. Oh, and at 5% ABV, those kangaroos kick.
i would like to see some articles on making beer
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Man, I remember Strohs from when I was in college; you could get a 15 pack of Strohs for half the price of a 12 pack of Bud… I havent seen Strohs around here (Southeast) in a while.
Thanks for the article!
Other yard beers, heck if you got them fresh they were as good as any of the premium Lagers. I worked at Rheingold Brewery as a teamster during college in 1976. Other greats were Carling Black Label, Iron City, Shop Rite supermarket brand, Piels Rear Draft, Rolling Rock which was an inexpensive brand 33 years ago, Knickerbocker (owned by Rheingold/Chock-Full of Nuts) both had the “wide mouth” bottles! Ballentines, Gablingers; another Rheingold brand and BTW the first true light beer, its orange and black can had a picture of a 1890s large wheel bicycle. I can probably think of more but its has been a while.
Now I drink Genesee brands: Cream Ale, Genesee, Red, and the best….
Genny Light.
Where I’m from they are called “lawnmowing beers”. In college my group of friends always turned it Old Mil Light. Love the regional favorites like Lone Star, Pearl, Old Style, etc…
You failed to neglect one midwest favorite, Old Style. Enjoyed mostly by Cubs fans. A few years back in college you could get a 30 pack for 10.99 from the liquor store. I always got funny looks bringing it to parties in college, but when I went to Chicago this was always the cheapest and best at bars. P.S. if you’re at a bar in Chicago and order Old Style Light, they will laugh you out of the place.
For several years, PBR was probably king of the hill. But with its resurgence particularly as a hip brew amongst the 20′ish population, it is no longer. Schaefer gets my vote as top yard beer. Its a long standing tradition of mine and few buds to celebrate the significance of sharing of the Schaefer swill. Several examples of our evangelizing the world about Schaefer can be found on my blog at:
http://bench-racing.blogspot.com/search/label/schaefer
Pabst/Rainier (always the same price since they’re made by the same maker) is always the lowest price beer in my area. $9.47 for an 18 pack. Rainier has much better flavor so that what I buy.
Miller is actually costlier but I picked some up last week, still a great beer like you said. Much more taste than Pabst.
Sometimes I’ll buy a 6 pack of Busch tallboys for some reason. Not sure why I do that.
Loved this article!
p.s. we don’t get Schaefer, Stroh’s or Schlitz here. Wish we did though! With Schlitz making a comeback I hope in the next few years I’ll finally be able to try some.
Great read! Where have all the “REAL” beer drinkers gone? I see guys at the beer store loading up on low carb, lime flavored girly beers???
Growing up in Northern California it was Olympia, Coors, Hamm’s, Schlitz, High Life and PBR. And still is!!!
Giants/49ers games at Candlestick had Hamm’s on tab, and A’s/Raiders games in Oakland served Old Milwaukee.
My grandfather enjoyed Burgermeister which is no longer. It was made by Schlitz and faded away when Schlitz was left to die by Strohs.
I think it is o’k for our web page to include low-carb, lime-flavored girly beers as long as they are C-h-e-e-p. Can we have an up and down vote on my motion? Are we manly, girly, or cheep? God love the 50 cent beer!
[...] while back, Lisa, one of our regular readers, e-mailed us with a link to an amusing article about yard beer. According to the article, yard beer is defined as “the cheapest, nastiest, most delightful, [...]
I live in england and beer is expensive, we pay a LOT of tax on it. the we pay equivelent of bout 60 cents to a dollar for “cheap” beer.
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