We have all been there.  In a situation where words are flying and tempers are boiling.  Men like to prove their masculine and manliness sometimes in a way that should be avoided – in a fist fight.  Mind you, I’m not opposed to using violence to sort out matters between men, however, it should not be the first choice, especially if the argument is based on meaningless crap.

When you’re in a bar, pub or nightclub, the fist fight morphs into a bar fight – they’re not the same.  Fist fights outside or in an open area are quite different than bar fights found in very close quarters.  There are all kinds of variables in a bar fight that you simply don’t find in a fist fight.

When all diplomacy fails, or even worse, the fight has nothing to do with you but you’re in the blast range, follow these guidelines and you will have a chance to get out of there without too much damage or ending up in the back of a police car on the TV show Cops.

• Take a few steps back.  Create some space so you have time to look for advantages.  There are all kinds of advantages you can choose from if you have the time.  This gives you a second to find a potential weakness or a way out.
• Back to the wall.  Contrary to popular belief, your back to the wall can actually help.  No one will sneak up behind and bust a chair over your head.  But if you put your back to the wall, you better know your next move.
• Make yourself small.  Small targets are harder to hit.  Crouch down a little and turn to the side narrowing your body.  Also, you want to ensure you don’t leave your groin exposed, so bend the legs and turn to the side.
• Kick to the groin.  Give a short, quick kick or knee the guy about to swing.  If he’s left his stance wide open, which most beer guzzling novices will do, they will go down VERY quick.
• Take off your glasses.  Easy one if you have the time – often you don’t.  Take these off if you can’t afford the cost to replace, but also, if broken on your face, will leave HUGE cuts.
• Use gravity.  If you are bigger guy like me, you can use your body weight to bring a guy down to the floor.  One more thing, you might want to make sure you are on top.
• Elbow to the head.  Elbows are terribly effective for close quarter encounters.  Many times, you simply don’t have room for a punch.  The elbow can be thrown from just about any position and if done correctly, can be way worse than a punch.
• Throw short fast punches.  You don’t have a bunch of room while inside a bar to throw the haymaker.  Use fast, short bursts and once you throw a few, take a step back to ensure counters don’t catch you.
• Uppercuts. Uppercuts.  Uppercuts.  These are very effective if the other guy wants to start grabbing at you.  He is trying to pull you in close and in doing so has his hands up high and stretched out.  Uppercuts can pack a huge wallop if done with conviction.
• Head butt.  Don’t do this if you think you don’t have a hard head.  I do, and am usually too stupid to feel the pain anyhow.  Beware of the other guy throwing one as well.  If you get eye to eye, this is what a lot of drunk guys like to do since it is glorified on TV.
• Grab a chair.  This puts distance between you and the other guy.  You are also sending a clear message you will take this thing to a whole other level if you have too.  Hopefully the other guy will simply back down and cooler heads can prevail.
• Everything is a weapon.  Glasses, cans, ashtrays, jackets, mugs, shoes, whatever you can get your hands on can help you in a bar fight.  Everything can be used to your advantage.
• Everything is a weapon.  Glasses, cans, ashtrays, jackets, mugs, shoes, whatever you can get your hands on can help you in a bar fight.  Everything can be used to the other guy’s advantage – so beware!!!
• Be careful with the head.  You don’t want to end up in prison for killing someone, so don’t go for the kill to the head.  Try to disable ONLY, long enough to get out of there.  Only go after the head as the last resort.
• Never break a bottle.  Using something to cut is the same as going after the head.  It always ends badly and usually never deters Mr. White Trash Alcoholic who wants to fight no matter what.  Again, just disable, disarm and get out.
• Don’t escalate.  You want to bring the situation to a head as quickly as you can and bring it back down right away.  End it quickly and leave.  Escalation leads to really bad things.
• Beware of others.  I know your budds have your back but try to leave them out of it.  Handle your own thing and hopefully the other guy’s fellas get the same memo.
• Beware of the bouncers.  If security comes to break it up, don’t fight them too.  Tell them you want to leave and you want no trouble.  There are usually way too many muscle heads just waiting for something like this to happen.  You could probably hold your own, but that is a losing proposition.  Remember Daltun in Road House?  Guys like this really exist and love their jobs.
• Do whatever the boys in blue tell you to do.  Once the police come, you do whatever they say.  You can NEVER fight with the cops.  They always have more friends than you do and you will lose!

I hope these were helpful.  I can’t remember the last time I found myself in this situation, but I am in enough bars and pubs to know it will happen again at some point.

Any good stories?  I would love to hear them in the Comments.

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